Los Angeles Blunt Invitational

in the summer of 2008, CDR gathered some of LA’s finest beatsmiths, DJ’s and rappers to be part of the Los Angeles Blunt Invitational. The “blunt panel” consisted of DJ House Shoes, Samiyam, Jordan Rockswell, Shawn Jackson, PUDGE, Illa Jay and Sweeney. The experiment involved a round table discussion where everyone was to sample four different types of blunts and two different types of papers (Optimo, Swisher, Backwoods, OCB, Zig-Zag, Garcia y Vega). The objective was to A) find out the best possible material to roll your weed in, and B) to talk alot of shit.

enjoy

DJ House Shoes: This is the fucking Los Angeles Blunt Invitational motherfuckers. Hosted by Sweeney Kovar.

Samiyam: That Backwoods looks good today.

You a fan of the Backwoods PUDGE?

PUDGE: Not really.

Does no one really fuck with the Backwoods but me and Sam?

Shoes: That shit is like barbecue chest.

Shawn Jackson: I fucked with it back in the day.

PUDGE: Me too, back in the days.

Shoes: I can fuck with the first half of the Backwoods, but can’t fuck with the second half. I don’t understand that shit because Strong Arm, them dudes will not smoke any weed if it ain’t rolled in a Backwoods.

PUDGE: That’s Ras_G too.

Same with Black Thought.

Shoes: I had like three nice Swishers rolled at the Common video shoot and they were like, ‘aah, not in a Backwoods.’ I was like, I’m bout to get wasted.

Sam: Ras_G split my Swisher once and rolled it into a Backwoods.

Really?

Sam: Probably the only time I would let this happen, smoking with Ras_G.

Ras probably rolls the best Backwoods out of anyone I’ve met. His shit you could smoke it till the end.

Shoes: So are we gonna talk about the blunts after they’re done or are we gonna talk about them now?

We can talk about them right now, the mic is on.

Shoes: Word, lemme see what this Backwoods is about.

Sam: waiting for a professional opinion.

Shoes: it’s slightly harsh.

PUDGE: it’s funny because some people hate Swishers, can’t handle Optimos. I guess it’s just up to personal opinion.

Shoes: The thing about backwoods to me is that backwoods totally masks the taste of the weed.

Backwoods has a fresh taste though; it’s like a fresh leaf.

Shoes: They’re not though, because if you roll them old, royal blunts or whatever it’s called, they came in the gold pouch with the like eight fanto leaves that you would unroll and shit, you could taste the weed in that, with backwoods you just taste fuckin backwoods.

Isn’t that what you’re talking about Sam?

Sam: Yeah, the actual leaf.

PUDGE: It looks like Dutches. It looks like a split open Dutch, like if you split open a Dutch it looks like a bunch of those papers. Dutches are hard to find out here.

Shoes: That’s some New York shit.

Sam: This backwood is not bad at the end, I like this.

Shoes: Remember when mufuckers used to smoke Phillies dawg?

PUDGE: Or White Owls. White Owls are like sandpaper; I think I might have smoked like three White Owls in my life. Phillies might be a little bit sweeter than White Owls, they had that swisher thing about them.

Sam: Phillies had the flavored ones; White Owls just comes in like, dirt-floor flavoring.

Shawn: You know what I’ve seen dudes smoke with, cornhusk yo.

Shoes: Wow, word?

Cornhusk?

Shoes: I remember mufuckers used to smoke outta banana peels and shit. I don’t know how the fuck they did that, I don’t know if it was an actual smoking instrument out of the banana peel. That apple shit is so major though, when we were overseas, that was the first time I fucked with that shit.

PUDGE: I still haven’t done it.

Shoes: Just get like a green, granny smith apple.

Shawn: Taste is right too?

Shoes: Tastes like fuckin apple. Johnny Appleweed.

You ever make the mistake of trying to eat the apple when you’re done?

Sam: You can eat that shit if you don’t eat the part the smoke went through, it’s all good.

PUDGE: You’ll get high, that shit’s probably filled with resin, more THC. All that shit you didn’t hit.

Shoes: What’s after the backwoods, alphabetical order.

Swishers, Optimos, Vegas, Zig-Zags…

Shoes: Garcia y Vega.

So Vega’s next. I was actually going to bring some Bible papers but Sam said he wouldn’t smoke it.

Shoes: Word??

Sam: Nah I’m Jewish man, bring me the Torah.

Torah papers!

Sam: Don’t write that down.

Too late.

Shoes: So what’s the verdict on the Backwoods?

That one wasn’t bad at all. I like Backwoods.

Sam: Even though it was a kind of skinny blunt I thought it had a good taste to it. It wasn’t too harsh. I’m ready to smoke another.

Shoes: Yeah it wasn’t too harsh.

Illa J: It was straight.

Shawn: I think a Backwood can help you grade weed on a curve, that’s the good thing about backwoods.

What you mean?

Shawn: You get a buzz instantly regardless of what weed you put in it.

PUDGE: it’s gonna give you a headrush.

Shawn: it’s like a beedie in the cold and shit.

Shoes: I could never fuck with them shits.

Shawn: We used to throw up off them shits.

I’ve never smoked a beedie, what exactly is it?

Shoes: it’s like magic granules in that bitch.

It’s like a hand-rolled cigarette?

PUDGE: it’s like a cigarette with no filter.

Shoes: it’s tobacco in that bitch? It’s like some fruits and berries or something. That shit’s like smoking a spell.

Jordan Rockswell: If you don’t keep smoking it steady, like no breaks, that shit will go right out sure will.

Shoes: are you recording this by the way?

Yeah, it’s recording. I’m just saving it as we go so the shit doesn’t just fuck up and erase everything.

Shoes: Smart guy. Smart fuckin guy.

You look like you’re bout to throw me out the balcony right now.

Shoes: I feel like punching you in the chest for some unknown reason. I haven’t had these kinds of urges since the Buddha Lounge. At the end of the night at Buddha Lounge I’d just start burning mufuckers with cigarettes, biting chunks off they arm, hitting mufuckers with bottles. Man I remember we used to smoke them big green tube joints.

Sam: Me and my homie rolled up a quarter in a black Optimo once. He put more than a quarter and that shit was burning straight, going for like 45 minutes inside a car with the windows rolled up. I thought I was going to be high for the rest of my life.

Shoes: Wouldn’t it be wild if you had fish, like you had an aquarium, and you were smoking weed and you blew that shit into the water with a straw. You know how their eyes are always open; their shit starts to get real low after a minute.

PUDGE: Get your animals high, that’s always fun.

Shoes:This Vega’s sweet.

Shawn: yeah, man.

Shoes: Vega has the lead on the backwoods.

PUDGE: Vega tastes like a Dutch almost, like it’s Dutch Master’s cousin.They got some shit just like Phillies, I got it in Virginia, called King Edwards.

Sam: Yeah, those are the blunts you find in Europe.

Yeah! I was in Europe and I couldn’t’ find blunts for months, the first ones I found were King Edwards.

Sam: That’s the dude on the Swisher’s package, that mufucka King Edward.

Shoes: He ain’t cut heads off no bitches, he was just high.

Shawn: Away with you, bring another cigar.

Yeah, this Vega’s dope. It’s real fresh too.

Sam: It’s rolled very well too by the way, congratulations Mr. Jackson.

Shawn: First of All… in stores now.

Shoes: We should have everybody get on some current events shit after were done and everyone is high as hell.

Sam: I forgot what records I have coming out, but if you type my name into google dot com, you’ll find all types of shit.

Shoes: Fuck ya life, gunther.

Sam: Blunt number 2, the Garcia Vega. What’s the verdict?

Jordan: A-

Shoes: thumbs up.

It was dope.

PUDGE: yup.

Shawn: Yeah it was cool.

Sam: All right, so what’s next?

Up next is the OCB joint.

PUDGE: what’s OCB stand for?

Sam: Original Cannabis Blowers.

Shoes: Old Country Buffet.

Sam: That’s some Michigan shit, I don’t think they have that as a franchise. We went from Garcia y Vega to OCB, we should have gotten a macanudo or something.

Or a Dutch or a Grenadier?

Shoes: Grenadiers would always be so stale; when you would try to crack it that shit would just shatter.

Yeah, I heard it in a song once and tried to roll it, shit just shattered like you said.

Shawn: They just said it cuz it sounds fresh.

Yeah, probably. Like they go into the store looking over at the cigar counter and shit for ideas.

PUDGE: Right, have cats listening like, ‘oh he smokes that good shit, I’m over here smoking a Phillie and shit.’ Y’all don’t like Phillies huh? I’m noticing that whenever Phillies are mentioned or I mention Phillies, it’s like ‘ugh.’

Sam: (over enunciating) eughk.

Shawn: Yo, with the cockiest voice you can say anything and make it fresh. Like ‘got my new Pro Wings on! Customs!’

Shoes: Like a mufucka wearing a funny ass shirt, but his swag is right and he can pull that off.

Shawn: Right, right. Like right now, it’s cool to look like Urkel. That’s pretty much the new look.

But at the same time that’s what they’re gonna be clowning in a few years.

Shoes: Then it’s gonna be some gayer shit than that, like blouses and shit. Just dressing up like a bitch.

PUDGE: Prince status.

Shoes: Mufuckas is just gonna start wearing chaps with no draws like, ‘that’s hip hop!’

What’s better than the other though, the tight pants or the shirts that go down to the ankles?

Sam: A combination of the two, with the new era that’s the size of a construction helmet.

Shoes: Men should not wear tight anything except maybe draws that fit right.

Sam: yeah I don’t like briefs either, I was thinking about that the other day. We should have a panel on that.

Jordan: yo, this OCB is right. You got the filter and all that.

Sam: it’s different than the Zig-Zags?

Yeah, they’re much better.

Shoes: Yeah, with these you just taste all weed.

Sam: Yeah, this is all right. I was expecting it to be harsh, but it’s cool.

Shoes: How many mufuckers have said something about rolling weed up in the Dead Sea scrolls? I feel like I’ve heard at least two dudes mention that.

That sounds like some Nas shit.

Shawn: Some Killah Priest shit.

Shoes: That’s gonna be the new shit, writing something inside the blunt in blood and shit, like, ‘hey you wanna smoke dawg?

Shawn: yeah, like, ‘hey you smoking a psalm now. You ain’t even know, I wrote a whole verse in there.’

Optimo’s next. How you guys like that OCB paper?

Illa J: Yeah, it was straight. It was good.

Shoes: OCB was a good joint.

Sam: This Optimo is starting to look funny since it’s been behind my ear all this time. The warmth of my brain made it look like a banana.

PUDGE: They probably have banana Optimos, they have so many flavors like Icey Mint and shit.

Shoes: I just got some shit for OCB: Ocular Cock-ular Blast.

Ocular Cock-ular Blast! That’s OCB.

Shoes: you seen that YouTube shit, the Senate report on skull fucking?

Yeah.

Sam: Yeah, that shit’s funny. This Optimo’s kinda harsh. Aw shit, it’s running.

Aw shit.

PUDGE: Optimo, another Swisher cousin.

Shawn: Man, I tried that menthol blunt cats were telling me about, I can’t fuck with it.

Ah, that Swisher menthol?

Jordan: There’s no menthol in that though, just the flavoring, especially since you’re dumping out all the tobacco. There’s no fiberglass in that shit.

Sam: Early report on the Optimo: I think it’s kind of harsh, taste like an old swisher.

I think it tastes like a regular Optimo.

Shoes: I don’t really like it; it has a funny as taste. It has the strongest…kind of cardboard-y taste.

Sam: That’s because it’s like a Swisher, a reconstituted tobacco leaf wrapped around some cardboard.

Shoes: My boy Gordy, King Gordy, he used to roll one-paper Swishers. He’d take the outer leaf off and roll a thin ass layered blunt. That’s probably the best.

PUDGE: A Dutch like that is nice too. If you take the inside of a Dutch and roll it, it’s a little bit stronger than rolling papers, but it still burns slow like a Dutch and you can taste the weed.

Shoes: This Optimo taste like it’s rolled in bear skin.

Sam: Bear skin? Yeah, it is pretty rugged.

PUDGE: This one has probably inspired the worst faces.

Sam: Like if you were stranded in the wilderness, stuck in the woods, hiking or some shit and you lost all your shit and didn’t have any blunts left. Then you found a bear, a bear that was smaller than you and you were able to overpower it and skin it.

Shawn: That shit makes me not want to play this game anymore.

PUDGE: The Optimo is taking people out the game.

Swishy Swish next.

Shawn: Swish Beats.

So what did everyone think of the Optimo? Thumbs down?

Sam: Two thumbs down.

Shoes: Thumbs down.

Illa J: Honestly they’ve all been cool to me, except the Backwoods, that one’s kinda crazy.

Jordan: It was all right, pretty much a bootleg Swisher.

Sam: What flavor is that Swisher? Grape?

Shoes: Yeah, it’s nice. Full bodied.

Stout.

PUDGE: The Swisher tastes like what the Optimo was trying to taste like.

Shoes: That Optimo tasted like someone put cat litter on that bitch. Like you just rolled the blunt and then put it under the cat litter for like a week.

Sam: I dunno about Swishers these days, kinda fucked up. For the record, I think if you smoke a lot of Swishers during the day you feel it in your lungs later.

This shit to me feels dirtier than a backwoods.

Shoes: Well fuck you. Swishers son. Another thing you need to take into account is that some of these blunts have been lying around for like 45 minutes and shit.

Sam: Aging to perfection. This has been an interesting study so far.

I remember we used to smoke in Black and Mild’s back in the day.

Sam: ugh.

Shoes: Sheez. I remember the first time I smoked Black and Mild’s I almost died. I ain’t have no weed so I was like, fuck it. I smoked two Black and Mild’s back to back and I went into a fucking coma. I was at work too; I turned into a statue for like three hours.

That’s crazy I remember everyone in high school was on that.

Sam: That shit gives me the idea that taste like you’re dying.

PUDGE: You feel like a chimney when you’re smoking it.

Shoes: What about Dijarns?

Everyone: Aaaaaaaah.

Shoes: I used to smoke two packs of Dijarns a day.

Sam: What do you guys think about Swisher Sweets?

Shoes: I love them.

I prefer Optimos, like a fresh Optimo.

PUDGE: I like Swishers better than an Optimo.

Well than that particular Optimo we had, yeah.

Shoes: We have to take every blunt as a representative of it’s kind.

True, true.

Shawn: I think I would have appreciated it more if it was earlier in the line up.

Shoes: The Swisher?

Shawn: Yeah.

Jordan: It’s an old ass Swisher too. It’s been out here for a couple weeks.

Couple weeks?

Jordan: Yeah, it’s been sitting around for a minute.

Wow, that’s pretty admirable then.

Sam: Yeah, that Optimo wasn’t really all good. Overall, I would say I’m pretty hungry, I could go for some food right now. I’m pretty blowed, that’s another conclusion of the study.

Yo the end of this Swisher is nice. We still got Zig-Zag’s left.

Shawn: Oh shit, I thought that was a wrap. I’m scared of this shit now.

Everyone’s cool with the Swisher?

Jordan: For as old of a blunt as it was, it was cool.

Shoes: Zig-Zag last up.

PUDGE: The classic. This is the shit you could find probably everywhere.

How’s the joint?

PUDGE: The Zag is cool, definitely not as smooth as that OCB though.

Sam: Yeah, that OCB was definitely good.

Shoes: I’m past the point of being able to judge this shit.

Shawn: I can’t roll joints, I’m a 40-and-a-blunt dude.

Sam: This should have been a week long study, because right now it’s like, how do you feel smoking a Swisher after smoking five blunts?

True. For next time though, I want to get all the types of blunts.

Sam: Ever?

Ever.

Sam: Even the ones that aren’t meant to rolled weed with.

Exactly. I remember when I was in Amsterdam I couldn’t find blunts so I had to buy these little ass cigars that would crack every other time, so out of 20 you would roll ten.

Sam: Yeah, the Panthers.

Yeah. I got so mad at those things.

Sam: They were way too much effort too, for the amount of weed you could fit into them.

Shoes: What’s the verdict on this joint? I’m talking about on some ranking shit.

Sam: That Original Chronic Blowers was pretty trill for me.

Everybody just say their rankings real quick.

Shoes: Personally I would say, Swisher, Garcia y Vega, OCB, Zig-Zag, Optimo, Backwoods.

Shawn: Garcia y Vega, OCB, Swisher, Zig-Zag, Backwoods, Optimo.

Jordan: Vega, Swisher, OCB, Zig-Zag, Optimo, Backwoods.

Vega, OCB, Swisher, Optimo, Backwoods, Zig-Zag.

Illa J: I can’t remember all the names, Vega, OCB, the Swisher, Zig-Zag, Optimo and Backwoods.

Sam: Vega was good, OCB, Backwoods, Swisher, Zig-Zag, Optimo.

PUDGE: OCB, Swisher, Vega, Backwoods, Zig-Zag, Optimo.

Shoes: Everybody gotta take a picture now, all blowed and shit.

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